


i want to see you smile

by LoveWithAGirl



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Families of Choice, Getting Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 16:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17964326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveWithAGirl/pseuds/LoveWithAGirl
Summary: The tattoo gun is a soothing sound by this point, the pain in her right arm sharp and bright and radiating, and Jester keeps breathing, eyes closed and left hand itching to curl around someone else’s fingers; for a moment it’s like a phantom next to her, calluses and pale skin against her palm, a soothing accent in her ear, scattered red freckles highlighted by the sun slanting through the windows, but then she blinks and it’s just Jester and the pain again.





	i want to see you smile

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shaypotter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaypotter/gifts).



> Finally finished a Widojest fic! Here's a modern au set on Jester's birthday! Check out the bottom notes to see why I wrote this!
> 
> (Hint: it's one of my best friend's birthdays!

The tattoo gun is a soothing sound by this point, the pain in her right arm sharp and bright and radiating, and Jester keeps breathing, eyes closed and left hand itching to curl around someone else’s fingers; for a moment it’s like a phantom next to her, calluses and pale skin against her palm, a soothing accent in her ear, scattered red freckles highlighted by the sun slanting through the windows, but then she blinks and it’s just Jester and the pain again.

It reminds her that even though this is her fifth tattoo it is her first tattoo alone, that none of her friends came, that half of them didn’t even respond to her text this morning asking if anyone was free.

It reminds her that her mother is the only person who has wished her happy birthday today.

“Alright, take a look. We’re all done.” Orly’s voice is a low rumble, and Jester blinks slowly while looking down, takes in the older man’s rough hands as he pulls the tattoo gun away, and then she can feel a smile pulling across her face as she takes in the ink spreading over her forearm. The sunflowers are a vibrant yellow, standing out beautifully against her dark skin, and delicate words curl between, a reminder to herself that she wants to always see.

“Orly! It’s perfect, thank you so much! I love it!” It’s hard to keep from bouncing in the chair as her employer turns back around with ointment on his fingers, but she stays still as he carefully applies it and then puts plastic wrap over the tattoo.

“I-i’m very glad you do. You know the drill on care.” He grumbles it out at her, a small twisting across his face, and Jester feels her grin grow even wider.

“Yes, I do! Now, how much do I owe you?” She gets up carefully as she says it, makes sure she’s steady on her feet before twisting to pop her spine. Her curls shift as she moves, and the errant blue strands she catches out of the corner of her eye make her smile all over again.

“For this one? $200 flat.” Orly doesn’t look over at her, sets about cleaning his station, so he doesn’t see her jaw drop or her bracing her hands on her hips.

“Orly! It is worth way more than that!” Jester feels indignant for him, frowns and waits for him to pay attention.

“Not with the employee discount.” Orly just shrugs and finally looks up, mouth twisting into a smile as he peers at her with his one bright eye.

“Oh what, the employee discount is 50% or something now? Did we change that recently?” Jester crosses her arms and frowns, fighting the urge to stomp her foot because even though she’s an adult she hates feeling like she’s not paying for real art.

“No, but with your birthday discount on top it’s $200.” Orly’s smile gentles a little bit, and he starts heading for the front desk, and Jester blinks once, twice, before feeling herself deflate a little bit.

“Oh.” Her boss looks over his shoulder when she says it, his smile kind and fond, and Jester grabs her backpack from the ground and trails after him, pulling cash out of her pocket.

“Happy Birthday, cher.” He stops in front of the cash register and nods at her, and Jester can’t help but smile back as she counts out $300.

“Thank you. And here, the rest is a tip, okay?” Orly scowls briefly before sighing and nodding, and Jester can’t help but giggle as she shoves the rest of the money back into her pocket. “This is my birthday present from my mama, you know. This and my hair.”

“The blue suits you.” He smiles at her again, and Jester grins wide, tucking her curls behind her ears again and rolling her shoulders back.

“Thank you! Yellow and blue are my favorite colors after pink, so I thought i’d get them both today!” Orly nods again, still smiling as he puts away the money, and Jester pulls her car keys out of her pocket before slinging her backpack over her shoulders. “Alright, i’m gonna go home and show everyone! I’ll see you in two days.”

“Have a good rest of your birthday, Jester.” He waves as he says it, and Jester waves back as she heads for the door, sliding her sunglasses onto her face as she steps outside and walks towards her car. It’s an easy drive to the bakery on the way home, and her cheeks hurt from smiling as she picks up the cake she’d ordered a few weeks ago. It’s quick to get home from there, Jester taking back streets to avoid traffic, and she’s almost vibrating with excitement as she pulls into her parking space, eager to show her tattoo off to her roommates. She takes the stairs up to their apartment two at a time, balancing the cake on her left arm and sliding the key into the lock out of habit more than thought.

“Beau! Fjord! You guys wanna come see my new ink?” She’s calling out into the apartment as the door is swinging open, excitement bubbling up too strongly for her to contain herself, but there’s no response as she steps inside. Jester can feel herself drooping as she kicks the door shut behind her, and she adjusts the cake and starts peeling the wrap off her forearm even as she raises her voice again. “Hey, aren’t you guys home yet?”

The apartment is silent, empty, neither of her roommates responding, and Jester crumples up the wrap into a ball when she doesn’t even hear nails against carpet.

“They took Nugget out without me? What the fuck,” Jester kicks her sandals off by the door and heads for the kitchen, swallowing hard against a lump in her throat, “guess i’ll eat this by mys-”

“Surprise! Happy Birthday!” It’s a cacophony of voices, a wave of sound that suddenly hits her ears as the light get switched on, and Jester jumps slightly but can already feel the grin spreading across her face at the sight of all her friends standing around her kitchen table with balloons and a sign hung up on the wall.

“You guys! You didn’t have to do this!” Jester can’t stop smiling even as she says it, comes forward to put the cake down as everyone starts to walk around towards her. Fjord gets to her first, a warm smile stretching across his face as he pulls her into a hug.

“Yeah we did, Jester.” He says it against the top of her head before letting go with a laugh as other hands grab her shoulders and tug her away from him.

“You deserve a party, Jessie.” Beau says it into her ear as she hugs her from behind and smacks a kiss to her cheeks. Jester has to laugh so she doesn’t cry, love and happiness ballooning up in her chest as she curls her hands over Beau’s arms.

“Now, what were you saying about a tattoo?” Jester looks up to see Yasha has stepped up in front of her, a soft smile on her face, sees Caduceus behind her holding Nugget. Nott and Caleb she sees on the other side of the table, smiling widely at her and just waiting their turns, and Jester’s heart feels so full she could burst.

They surround her, gentle hands taking her arm as they ask questions about her tattoo and compliment her hair. Jester explains quietly about promising Molly that they would dye their hair together on her next birthday, and Yasha’s eyes go a little glassy for a moment but then she smiles, and they all fall into laughter when Nott politely asks if they can eat the cake yet.

Beau and Caduceus put candles in the cake as Nugget dances around their feet, and Fjord lights them carefully, gently teasing them about the random design. Jester finds herself across from Caleb, and his eyes are warm, his smile small but soft, and Jester closes her eyes and makes a wish as her friends sing to her, loud and joyful and filling up all the quiet places that have been building inside of her all day.

They stay in the kitchen, close together and alive, as Fjord and Caduceus cook dinner, both of them taking turns shooing Nott and Nugget away while letting Jester sneak small tastes of her favorite foods, and each time she turns around she can feel Caleb’s eyes on her, and at one point she finds herself winking at him, feeling playful and giddy with all the love her friends are pouring into her.

Jester’s delighted to see Caleb’s cheeks go a dull red, his own smile turning bashful, but before she can go over to him Beau is pulling him aside as Yasha comes over and asks to see her new tattoo again.

The sun sets while she’s not paying attention, and when they all carry their plates into the living room to squish into the couch and chairs together Fjord flips on the lights with an excited hum. Jester looks over at him curiously, but he just grins and nods over to the far wall. When Jester looks she sees three new pictures hanging, and she hurriedly sets her food on the coffee and rushes over to see what they are.

She can feel tears prickling at the corners of her eyes as she takes in the first picture, her mother’s smiling face aimed down at an image of herself, a picture she didn’t know was taken when she and her friends took a road trip a few months back and she finally got to introduce them all to her mom. 

The second picture is a group picture of all of them at the ren faire, dressed up and laughing, and it makes her smile so wide, makes her heart feel like it might burst with love for her family. Mollymauk grins back at her, and Jester has to swallow down the lump in her throat when she realizes this is the last group picture of them all with him.

The third picture, she realizes, is actually a drawing, one of her drawings, of all of them as well, with Molly and Caduceus both, and even more friends scattered around, Shakaste and Keg and Nila and Twiggy, and Jester spins around, feels her lower lip wobbling as she takes in her friends watching her with cautious smiles.

“You guys really like my art enough to frame it?” Her voice cracks as she asks it, and Beau hops over the back of the couch and comes forward reaching out to wrap her arms around Jester and pull her into a tight hug.

“We really do, Jessie.” She murmurs it into her ear, warm sincerity bleeding out of her voice and curling around Jester’s heart; over her shoulder she sees her friends all nodding agreement, and Caleb in particular is smiling so softly that it settles into her bones and keeps the tears at bay.

They break away after a moment and head back to the couch, Beau and Nott sandwiching Jester between them. Caduceus ends up sprawling out on the floor, Nugget trying to climb into his lap and get at his food, and Jester is delighted when Caleb ends up pulling her dog up to share the armchair with him, carefully keeping his food away while still managing to eat.

Their plates end up stacked in the middle of the coffee table haphazardly where Nott swoops them up and scurries into the kitchen to pile them in the sink as Yasha and Fjord disappear down the hall towards the bedrooms before reappearing with bags and boxes in bright colors.

Jester feels like a kid again, tucking sparkly tissue paper into Nugget’s collar and giving Beau the wrapping paper to throw at their friends and tieing a pink ribbon in her hair as she opens her presents, laughing and giddy and launching herself at each person to give them a hug. Everyone relaxes into her, laughing and accepting the affectionate words she presses into whatever skin she finds first, even Caleb, and Jester pretends she’s not blushing when she pulls away from him; by the smile skirting around the edges of Fjord’s mouth she’s not sure she pulls it off.

Once the presents are pushed aside they fall into games, laughing and making jokes they derail them for fifteen minutes at a time, and Jester thinks that it’s been a while since there was this much joy in their little apartment. She carries that with her, the joy making her feel buoyant, as she slips away from the party into the kitchen to catch her breath for a minute.

Jester steps over to the counter and leans across to crack open the window, taking a deep breath and smiling at the sunflowers on her arm, the laughter filling the living room behind her still warming her from the inside out.

“Are you okay, Jester?” Caleb’s voice is soft behind her, concern coloring his accent, and Jester spins around to see him watching her carefully, brow furrowed slightly.

“I’m much more than okay, Caleb! This has been so great. Best birthday party ever.” It spills out of her quickly, easily, the truth like she’s never given it, and her heart skips a beat at the smile that lightens his face when he hears it.

“That’s good, that’s what we were hoping for. It is what you deserve.” He walks over to her as he says it, leans his hip against the counter so he’s facing her, and Jester is helpless against the smile that pulls across her own face when he curves his body towards hers slightly.

“Yeah, of course.” She shrugs as she says it, playing at casual, but Caleb’s bright blue eyes are piercing in this lighting, and Jester ducks her chin and kicks at the floor slightly, dropping her voice so no one in the living room can hear. “It’s just…this is going to sound stupid.”

“I don’t ever think that you’re stupid, Jester.” Caleb’s voice is soft but earnest, and Jester watches one of his hands twitch towards her for a brief moment before falling to his side again. She looks up at him from under her bangs, the deep blue strands contrasting with his red hair, and she sees him staring straight at her, nothing but sincerity in his eyes.

“Thank you, Caleb.” He smiles encouragingly as she says it, and Jester takes a deep breath and pushes forward. “I thought that maybe you guys forgot, was all.”

“Oh Jester, i’m sor-” Caleb’s face changes drastically, regret and sorrow taking over his features and deepening his voice, and Jester can’t stand to see him like this, immediately shakes her head and raises her hands placatingly.

“Which is so stupid, I know, because you’re all so smart and always remember important things about each other, and about me before, too, so obviously that’s really stupid. I should have known you were going to do something so fun for me.” She trips over her tongue trying to get the words out, useless pebbles spilling from a creekbed that is suddenly overflowing, trying to make her feelings less sharp, less sad, wanting Caleb to not suspect how conflicted her emotions have been all day.

“We should have thought about how you grew up.” Caleb says it softly, and Jester tries to shrug, kicks at the ground again and feels embarrassment make her cheeks grow hot, but Caleb just keeps meeting her gaze, his voice steeped in sincerity. “It’s not a bad thing to need reassurance and acknowledgment, Jester. It’s not stupid.”

“If you say so.” Jester tries to make it sound like joke, flashes her brightest smile at Caleb, but he just patiently waits for her to drop it and ducks his head slightly to maintain eye contact she goes to look down again.

“Ja, I do.” He means it to his very core, she can tell right away, and a warmth spreads through her stomach. She lets her smile turn genuine, and the warmth in her stomach turns into butterflies when the corners of his mouth tick up.

“Thank you, Caleb.” She lifts her chin again and tucks her curls behind her ears, and she watches Caleb's eyes flit around her face briefly, like he’s taking stock of something before he hums acknowledgment.

“Of course.” He says it like he means it, like he’s always going to tell her the truth, like he couldn’t imagine not reassuring her, and oh, in this moment Jester believes him with all her heart. “Can I give you your last present now?”

“Another one? You don’t have to, but if you already got it, then yes you can give it to me.” Caleb laughs as she says it, fond and warm as he turns away from her to reach towards the box of donuts she’d left out from yesterday afternoon. It’s a nice laugh, one that feels like a hug, and Jester wants to wrap herself up in him and never let go.

She’s starting to realize that this might be more than a crush.

“No peeking, ja?” Caleb looks over his shoulder as he says it, his voice full of teasing, and Jester sticks her tongue out at him but does as he asks, closing her eyes and shifting her weight to lean against the counter more firmly. She hears him rummaging in a drawer and then the brief snap and hiss of a lighter; she almost opens her eyes, almost reaches out to tell him how proud she is, but she holds still and waits, because her friend asked her to. “Okay, you can look.”

When Jester opens her eyes she sees Caleb smiling down at her, so soft that it makes her breath catch in her throat. His face is highlighted by the flickering flame of a single candle, and as Jester drops her gaze she sees that he’s holding a donut in his hands.

“Is that blueberry?” She can’t make herself raise her voice above a whisper, her heart suddenly pounding in her chest as she straightens up and curls her hands in her dress. Caleb nods once, cheeks flushing faintly as he opens his mouth.

“Ja, I remembered you saying that it’s your favorite, but you don’t get it often.” His voice is just as soft, his eyes locked on hers, and Jester can feel her will starting to crumble. 

“Yeah, cause they only make them on that bakery on the other side of town, and they always sell out really early.” She watches with wonder as the flush spreads up his cheeks, and with his hair tucked behind his ears she can finally see that it spreads there, too, and down his neck to his collarbones, barely visible beneath his open collar.

Jester wants to chase the red with her mouth.

“Ja, well, I thought it would be a good present. Now make a wish, before the wax drips onto the donut.” Jester blinks hard and nods, steps forward and curls a hand around one of his wrists to keep it steady as she blows out the small flame. Caleb’s hand trembles once under her grasp, and then steadies out again; Jester watches as he uses his other hand to carefully pluck the candle from the donut, not shaking her off in the slightest, and her heart speeds up again.

“Do you want to know what I wished for?” She blurts it out into the small space between them, still unable to raise her voice, and Caleb’s mouth twitches like he’s thinking about laughing again. 

Jester’s a little disappointed when he doesn’t.

“I thought if you say it out loud, it will not come true?” He tosses the candle towards the sink as he says it, wrist still steady under her hand, and Jester presses her fingers against the soft skin inside his wrist a little more firmly, shrugging a shoulder and looking back down at the donut.

“Technically, yes. Most of the time I believe that. But sometimes a wish just has to be shared, you know?” Caleb hums softly, and Jester watches as his hand trembles again, so faint she wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t been holding his wrist; she can feel his pulse in his wrist slowly speeding up, and Jester feels hope blossom underneath her sternum.

“Ja, I know.” His voice is even softer than before, and Jester slowly looks up to meet his gaze again; his eyes are bright and focused in on nothing but her, staring straight into her soul. “What did you wish for?”

“I wished that you would kiss me.” It comes out a whisper, Jester’s throat closing up around the words, and Caleb’s eyes turn into flames, alive and wild and holding her in place.

“Jester.” He says her name once, and it’s never sounded sweeter than this, never held her attention like this, never made her feel like her heart might burst from her chest. He says her name, and everything changes.

Caleb leans down and kisses her, and Jester burns alive.

His mouth is soft against hers, his beard a little ticklish, and oh, Jester never wants this to end. His free hand finds her jaw, fingers trembling like butterflies against her cheek before he presses rough skin firmly against her face, and Jester reaches out for him with her eyes closed, curls her fingers around the collar of his henley and kisses back with everything that’s been building inside of her for so long. 

A cold nose suddenly presses against her ankle, and Jester jumps a little, knocking her forehead against Caleb’s, and he pulls away with a curse in Zemnian that has Jester’s stomach twisting in sudden embarrassment.

“I’m so sorry, oh no, Nugget startled me, Caleb-” and even as the words tumble from her mouth Caleb finally sets the donut down on the counter and leans back down to cut her off with his lips, kissing her firmly and cradling her jaw with both hands, holding her face close to his; Jester lets herself melt into him, closing the space between them to wrap her arms around his waist. Caleb hums when she does, a content little sound that Jester wants to taste against her tongue for the rest of her life.

She’s not sure how long they kiss for, noses nudging against each other and his heart beating steadily against her chest, but finally Caleb gently pulls away, smoothing his thumbs over her cheeks and looking down at her with something like wonder plain across his face.

“You really want this, Jester?” She can tell immediately that that’s not all he’s asking, and she can’t help the smile that spreads across her face as she rubs a hand up his back.

“I really want you, Caleb. However you’ll have me.” She says it honestly, feels her heart speed up again as she lays her soul bare, and the softness that fills his eyes make her never want to leave this moment.

“I’ll have anything you give me, Jester.” He leans down to press a brief kiss to her mouth as he says it, pulling away quickly to meet her gaze again, and Jester has to fight not to chase his lips, reminds herself that this is an important conversation to have.

“Everything. I’ll give you everything, Caleb.” It doesn’t hurt to admit, and it doesn’t scare her, either, even though her mother always warned her that it should.

Caleb makes a soft sound, like he doesn’t know what to do with her answer, but his eyes are shining and warming her to her core, and Jester hugs him back when he wraps his arms around her shoulders and presses a kiss to her forehead.

“Ja, okay. Everything sounds good to me,” is what he whispers against her skin, and Jester feels like she must be lit up from the inside with the happiness she feels burning under her skin.

In a little bit they will return to the living room and their friends, the donut in Jester’s right hand and Caleb’s hand in her left. Caduceus will smile at them, and Nott will pull Jester aside to tell her not to hurt Caleb while Beau and Fjord do the same to Caleb, and then they will smile wide and give them hugs to soften the warnings. Yasha will touch the locket around her neck that holds two pictures, and then she will tell Jester how happy she is for her, and she will mean it.

For now, though, Jester will stand in the circle of Caleb’s arms, and she will smile against his neck and be happier and more in love than she ever imagined she could be.

Happy Birthday, indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday my one of my absolute best friends Shayna, who you can find on here to read her amazing work as shaypotter! She inspired this!
> 
> Title is from "Happier" by Bastille, which is one of her favorite songs!
> 
> If you'd like to, you can come find me and talk to me on [tumblr](https://lovewithagirl.tumblr.com/) and [twitter!](https://twitter.com/daleytwin2/)


End file.
